Waiting is Not Easy!

I’ll admit – I stole this title from one my kids’ favorite authors. The books are a family favorite. Turns out the guy who writes them started his career as a writer for Sesame Street.

Despite writing his stories for kids, his messages apply to everyone. They’re usually about being kind, thinking of others, etc. As the title suggests, this one is about waiting. And lately, my life has been all about waiting.

Waiting is far from easy. It’s downright difficult. Rigorous. Torturous. For me, it’s been a lesson in Faith.

I worked for the Pennsylvania WIC program for 17 years – most of it in the same office and some of it as a college intern before I became an official nutritionist.

The job itself wasn’t hard and I thoroughly enjoyed expanding my knowledge about pregnancy, nursing, infants and young children. However, as anyone who’s worked for a government-funded social services program can tell you, other aspects were not so fun. Over the years we dealt with funding cuts, changing administrators, a decrease in benefits, a lack of 401k, and a host of other issues that depended on the current whim of those in office. Despite the frequent uncertainty of my job, I felt called to stay. I found a “supernatural” peace that WIC is exactly where God wanted me to do His work. If the time came for that to change, he would let me know.

That change came in September of 2016, when our contract went up for bid and a new agency took the reins of our program. We worked closely with this agency for years, as they had always been the ones to complete our yearly staff and program reviews. They trained us on any new rules and regulations as well as nutritional topics. I had the option to reapply for my job and continuing working for WIC.

I had the option to reapply for my job and continue working for WIC.

I chose to walk away. I don’t approve of the way this agency conducts itself when it comes to finances or employee relations. The thought of working for them directly left a sour taste in my mouth. It was time to move on. It didn’t take me long to make that decision and when I did, I felt at peace that it was the right one. God had called me on to something new.

I don’t approve of the way this agency conducts itself when it comes to finances or employee relations. The thought of working for them directly left a sour taste in my mouth. It was time to move on. It didn’t take me long to make that decision and when I did, I felt at peace that it was the right one. God had called me on to something new.

Writing has long been a passion for me, one that I’ve dreamed about turning into a career. When I made the decision to leave WIC I had no concrete plans on my next job, but I felt like God was paving the way for me to write.

Squeeeeeee!

My husband and I talked. We made plans to turn one of the spare bedrooms into my “office” and my current babysitter agreed to maintain our current schedule. However, as eager as I was to dive into this new venture, I barely managed to get my toes wet.

It’s been a little over three months since my time with WIC ended and I’ve barely done any writing at all. Instead, God called me to be a stay-at-home-mommy and homemaker. Two things that you would NEVER find on my wish list. However, the only time my soul felt at peace were the times I was taking care of “home” – my kids, my husband, our pets, the house. Anytime I tried to push into a different direction or rush God’s timing, I met resistance in one way or another.

Looking back, God knew what he was doing. At the same time I lost my job, my husband took at promotion. It meant more time away from home, sometimes overseas for a week at a time. I became the “It-Girl”. I needed to be able to pick up the slack to allow my husband time to find his stride with this new job.

So, even though I desperately wanted to write, I graciously -(at least I hope!) – became a servant and took care of whatever needed taking care of. Surprisingly, I fell into the role easier than I would have thought possible.

God had called me to wait.

I never heard him say, “No, you can’t write.”  Nor did he ever divulge his plan to me in any degree. Nor did he drop any other kind of grand career opportunity in my lap. Instead, I’ve been standing in the hall, knowing that closing the door to WIC remained the right decision but not knowing when or if or how the next one would open.

Guys.

Waiting is HARD!

Especially when you’re waiting on God’s timing, not your own. Things happen when he’s ready to make them happen, not when you want them to happen.

However, this isn’t the first time I’ve been called to wait. Looking back, I can see other missed opportunities or times when I jumped the gun, all because I reacted out of fear instead of being obedient to his plan.

This time I took a deep breath, put on my big girl panties, and chose to wait.  I’ve wondered many times if other people just think I’m being lazy, that I don’t want to work. When I try to explain this whole I’m-waiting-on-God’s-call thing, I’m expecting people to look at me as if I’m loony.

I’m neither. I’m simply being obedient. I’m refusing to give in to fear. I’m refusing to play by anyone’s rules but those laid out in the Bible. I’m trusting in God to use me where he wants me and that when he’s ready, he’ll make a way for that to happen.

Do I hope it’s through writing?

(You shouldn’t have to ask.)

Of course! But I’m determined to wait for his verdict, no matter what it is.

Last night my husband came home with his three-month review papers in hand and all that waiting paid off. God answered in a big way and it’s opened the door for me to pursue a life I’ve only ever fantasized about.

I still have no idea exactly how it’s going to play out. I’ve still got a lot of unanswered questions. I’ve still got doubts and, yes, fears. I still have to write at my kitchen table because that office is still a spare bedroom. I’m starting a new career, at the bottom of the ladder, at age 37.

But I get to write.

What has all this waiting taught me?

That we are still learning and growing during the wait. We are learning how to choose Him over the world. We are learning how to trust Him for everything we need. We are learning what it means to live by faith, not by sight.

He uses that hallway to give us an opportunity to grow closer to Him.

Obedience and waiting are choices. Hard choices.

I’m glad I picked the hard choice.